How Nice That We’re ALL Gifted and Talented

27 02 2012

Can I just go outside and ride my bike?

I swear just about all kids in the public school system these days are card-carrying members of the “gifted and talented” brigade. How do I know this? Because their parents yak about it every chance they get. Ironically, for me it usually comes up at my most embarrassing moments, including, but not limited to, when I’m:

  • At the bank contesting an overdraft.
  • In line to buy tickets to an R rated movie for my teens.
  • At the liquor store stocking up for the winter, er…I mean a party.
  • Emerging from a public restroom stall after ingesting too much Mexican food.
  • Selecting feminine products at the grocery store. (OMG, get away from me!)

Why these people can’t accost me about their junior achievers when I’m volunteering at the Red Cross or teaching illiterates how to read is beyond me. It could be because I’ve never done either of those things, but that’s beside the point. Read the rest of this entry »

The Liebster Blogging Award

20 02 2012

Well, look at this. I turn my back for just a second to read other peoples blogs and what happens? One of my favorite bloggers (Mommy Needs a Pinot) gives my blog the Liebster Award. How cool is that?

This is especially exciting for me because I read Mommy Needs a Pinot religiously, and if you are a harried parent who needs a little humor just to get through your exhausting, atypcial day then I think you need to read it, too. Any “About” section of a blog that starts out with “My life is ridiculous….I am a magnet for crazy, both good and bad,” has my undivided attention. (What? You mean I’m NOT the only one?)

Thank you so much to “Ms. Pinot” for giving me this award AND for reading my blog. I’m both flattered and honored to return the favor of a much-needed belly laugh. Read the rest of this entry »

A Cheesy Proposal on Valentine’s Day

14 02 2012

Nothing says "I love you" like artery-hardening pizza

Now I’ve heard it all. For the goon who’s totally clueless when it comes to women, here’s the ultimate bad gift on Valentine’s Day. May I introduce to you The Pizza Hut $10,010 Engagement Package. This is for the man who wants to ask his girlfriend to be his bride, yet thinks the best way to do this is over a Pizza Hut $10 Dinner Box. Because let’s face it, champagne, chocolates, and a romantic dinner where you actually use a fork to eat your meal are just so overrated.

And let’s not overlook the fact that if your sweetie can afford to get you something that costs $10,010, why the hell would he look to Pizza Hut? For that price he could literally fly you to Paris for that romantic dinner and pay Nicholas Sarkozy himself to hide your diamond among the croissants. Read the rest of this entry »

Bonehead Onboard

7 02 2012

Okay, I have to write a quick post today to voice my annoyance of the overuse of those child accomplishment bumper stickers that people put on their cars. You know, like My child is an honor student at Tiny Tater Tots Preschool for the Gifted and Barely Verbal. As if reinforcing the fact that you have no life because you have kids is cause for célèbre.

The ironic thing about this is just last Saturday I read a great blog post on The Waiting (one of my favorite funny blogs). The post is called Things I’d like to Retire and number four on that hit parade is Family Car Decals, like “Baby Onboard” or “I Break for Unicorns,” which I actually saw on a car while vacationing in Portland, OR. (Granted, this second one isn’t really a family decal except that you can BET some little girl going through a fairy princess phase convinced her defenseless—when it comes to his daughter—daddy to put it on the back of his Lincoln Navigator right above his Ron Paul for President bumper sticker.) Read the rest of this entry »

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