Traveling With Kids (or Why I’d Rather Have a Root Canal)

30 12 2011

My view while trying to enjoy a drink in coach

Coming right on the heals of family holiday trips, I think we can all agree that the truth about modern-day family travel is that we secretly all hate modern-day family travel. If only we could beam ourselves to our destinations like they do on Star Trek, we’d all be as adventurous as Lewis and Clark. But now with less flights, more connections, TSA, full body scans, luggage searches, and not being able to bring large amounts of liquids or ointments on a plane because some crazy terrorist might pilfer it from your diaper bag and use it for God knows what (“I’m sorry, ma’am, but this 6 ounces of Desitin butt cream is classified as a felony weapon”), air travel with kids has become about as much fun as a root canal. Read the rest of this entry »

Further Confessions of a Band Geek Mom

20 12 2011

With the holidays barreling down upon us faster than a cheetah on an unsuspecting, lame gazelle (forgive me, I just watched one of those emotionally-scarring Animal Planet survival-of-the-fittest shows) my husband and I have been attending a steady stream of holiday concerts due to our two sons’ enthusiasm for high school band.

As you (dear reader) and I get to know each other better you will quickly learn that band runs our household. At the risk of repeating myself if you’ve read my book, Confessions of a Band Geek Mom (and I know, of course, that you all have—or will), my two teen sons combined play all the following instruments: piano, trombone, flute, clarinet, bass clarinet, bassoon, oboe, drums, and all the saxes (soprano, alto, tenor, and baritone). This is what happens when they practice—they get handed more instruments by band teachers in desperate need of, for example, that weird sound a bassoon makes. Which if you never heard it resembles a water buffalo giving birth to butt-first breached twins. Just saw that on Animal Planet, too. Ugh. Messy. Read the rest of this entry »

The Versatile Blogger Award

14 12 2011

Me when I found out I won the Versatile Blogger Award

Just in case you missed the sky-writer I hired to spread the word, last Friday I received the Versatile Blogger Award from the always-entertaining blog, Shoes on the Wrong Feet (which I’m proud to say I follow). The ironic thing about winning this award is that until recently I’d been a blogger on the higher education websites Careers & Classes and Yellow Brick Road since summer of 2010, and as such I received about as much attention for those blogs as a runny nose in a kindergarten classroom.

So after both higher ed blogs were politely “put on hold” (translation: “buh-bye”), I decided to start my own humorous blog (this one) about raising kids, a feat not unlike shoving a boulder uphill with your nose while your hands are tied behind your back. In short order my blog has caught on with a select group of like-minded and extremely intelligent people with handles like Mommy Needs a Pinot and My Adventures in Chaos. Who knew that writing about potty training songs and using my property tax notice as a baby wipe would get me noticed? Read the rest of this entry »

I Don’t Want to Take the Credit!

8 12 2011

I’m sick of banks and their loan-sharky credit cards. So recently I decided to cancel all my bank credit cards except for one. (How I ended up with three VISAs and two Mastercards, I’ll never know. I think they procreate in my purse.) So I sent each bank where I had a credit card a letter instructing them to close my accounts.

Exactly one out of the five banks I contacted responded by canceling my account. Three banks sent me computer-generated complaint forms, and one had the audacity to reply with a bill for the $35 annual fee.

Eager to know why I had to pay to close my account, I called the latter bank first. By the third word out of my mouth the customer service representative interrupted with, “Can I have your NIN and your PIN, please?”

“My what?” Read the rest of this entry »

Wipe, Wipe, Wipe My Memory Clean (of Those Annoying Kid Songs)

5 12 2011

Our masterpiece

This weekend we put up or Christmas tree, which kicked off the annual search for the Christmas ornament boxes. It was hard not to notice that our basement had accumulated so much junk it was starting to look like an overpopulated Third World country. I swear there could be a whole colony of new life forms living down there, and I’d never know it.

As I meandered around the endless debris of mysterious, unmarked cardboard boxes, Halloween costumes, and Thomas the Tank Engine train tables (with infinite wooden track), I couldn’t help but wonder, where the heck did all this stuff come from, and what happened to the days when I could fit everything I owned into the back of a 1975 VW Rabbit?

Finding the Christmas boxes took patience, which I ran out of back in 2004, so I called in my 13-year-old son, to rummage around for any containers that when shaken sounded like Read the rest of this entry »

After I Had Kids My Life Became a Steaming Pile

2 12 2011

My life as compartmentalized chaos

I am what you call an organized mess. If you walk into my house you will see on any given day a pile of musical instruments (in their cases, we’re not animals after all) amassed by the front door. A pile of mail (most of which is junk) heaped on the kitchen counter. A pile of unfolded laundry (most of which is clean) resting on my son’s bed. A pile of books and magazines (most of which I plan to read someday) loitering at my bedside. A pile of remote controllers (most of which I have no idea what they control) congregating on the credenza beneath our flat screen TV.

You get the idea.

About a year after my first son was born I gave in to the fact that I had lost control of my life, so I started making piles. Thinking this would somehow return my life to normal (whatever that was) I divided up my clutter as follows:

    Read the rest of this entry »

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